If someone ever comes to you and says “I’ve never had an argument with my husband” or “we never fight”, they are lying to you! Every marriage has its fair share of issues, whether you want to call them conflicts, confusions, or problems. What is more important is to get yourself out of these conflicting areas and ensure that they are kept at the bay. Have a quick look at some of the common problems that plague every marriage on the planet.
If there was one thing that came above anything else while ruining a marriage, this would be it – dishonesty. Many a times, you let out ‘little lies’ and then call them ‘white lies’ for your own convenience. If you are confident of yourself and not faking anything in your marriage, there should be no reason for even the smallest of lies. Talk about things that are not too appropriate to be said directly, but do not lie! Be honest about yourself, your thoughts, ideas, expectations, and your love. Dishonesty may save you from a small argument today, but can come back and haunt you years later. You will break his trust and his heart, if he ever finds out that you have been dishonest. There is nothing more painful than lack of trust in a marriage.
- Unrealistic expectations
Whenever you find yourself struggling to come in terms with ‘unfair’ situations in your marriage, sit back, take a deep breath and think to yourself, “What do I really expect? Is this what I deserve?” Most women often expect too much, and in some cases, too less. It is very tough to keep a balance between more and less, but a moment of thought can usually help you to come to terms with your expectations. Always remember, you should expect no less or no more than what you deserve.
- Lack of sexual compatibility
Sexual relations with your partner play a very important role in your marriage. Lack of sex can lead to depression, arguments, loss of excitement and, in worst cases, even infidelity. Find time from your busy routine for each other’s physical needs. Be adventurous, try new things inside the bedroom, and spice things up!
- Lack of respect
It is very important that you treat your partner with respect. There is no single thing that you can say or do to show respect. It just means backing him up no matter what. It can be something as small as taking his side in an argument on the dinner table with friends, or agreeing with his views while having a challenging conversation with the family. You must expect the same. Loss of respect is a significant blow to the balance of a relationship. Give respect, get respect.
- Practice what you preach
It’s one thing putting your thoughts, ideas and expectations forward; it’s another thing to step up and practice what you preach. If you have certain demands or expectations from your partner, be ready to put them to practice in your own life. It can be as simple as being aware of your own punctuality levels before asking him to ‘always be on time’. You will gain respect from your partner if you follow what you say.
- Taking each other for granted
It is one of the easiest traps that many couples fall into. Think of the moment when you were dating your partner and your only dream in life was to marry him and be with him forever. Well, guess what, your dream has come true! Appreciate the fact that what you only dreamt of earlier is what you have now. Think of every moment spent with him as a gift and cherish every romantic look that he gives you. Never take your partner and his love for granted.
- Lack of maturity
With marriage comes love, responsibility, commitment and devotion. It requires a lot of hard work and effort to lay a solid foundation of a good relationship and to keep the momentum going. Often enough, many do not seem to be adoptive of the maturity levels that are required to keep this union strong. It can be as simple as giving up on an argument sometimes, if it is not worth arguing. Act your age, be responsible and realize from deep down inside that you are shaping the life of another person!
- Lack of crisis management
Some of you may think that crisis management is too vague a term to be used and thrown around. Well, that is not the case. Crisis management involves a deliberate effort towards assembling your thoughts and understanding the issues that cause fights and arguments in the first place. Ask yourself, “What is causing the problem?” Then think, “What can I do to solve it?” And lastly, “What can I do to prevent it?” It isn’t rocket science but then very few of women actually spend time to think about it. Remember, sometimes the simplest solutions are in close proximity from you. All you need to do is- think!
- Loss of romance
It is a harsh world out there and most of your life is spent in trying to make a buck. Your dreams and career paths steal a lot of time keeping you away from the family. Take time out from your busy schedule to bring back the romance in your life. It can be as little as spontaneously going out for a glass of wine by the pier or giving him a surprise and fixing him breakfast in bed or even lighting a few scented candles in the lounge on a cold dark evening to spice things up a bit. Remember, such little steps may only need half an hour, but they will have long term impact on your relationship. It will keep the “romantic teen” inside you alive and kicking and you will surely bat your eyelids the next time he comes back home with flowers and looks into your eyes!
- Financial woes
Be actively involved in your family’s finances and be wise about money. Spending on a few luxuries in life is good but do not indulge in extravagance, if you cannot afford it. Create a budget plan and stick to it. Money is easy to spend but difficult to earn. It is painful to see all the love, effort and hard work put into a relationship go waste because of financial instability.
If you think only men cheat, you are wrong! Anyone can cheat, and that includes women. Sex, money, passion, lust, lack of love, boredom – there are many reasons to drive you there. But mind you, none of these are good enough reasons to justify the act. If there is loss of interest or if the marriage is beyond reconciliation, talk about it with your partner. There is no going back after the act happens and the damage is unimaginable. Hearts are broken, trust is lost, feelings are hurt, and love loses meaning – it’s just not worth it.
Marriage is the blissful union of two people having different personalities. If you think that your marriage has too many problems, you are not alone. Marriages are all about compromises, adjustments, reconciliations and more importantly, love. Your marriage is divine – protect it, preserve it, cherish it!